Brexit and the 5 Stages of Grief - An Opinion Piece
The United Kingdom decided to leave the European Union (EU). Despite all the reassurances from my British friends that it would never happen. Because undecided people would vote to remain and the economic benefits of being a member of the EU would outweigh the leave- arguments. That’s what they said. Brexit also happened despite the awful hate crime that led to Jo Cox’ death. Jo Cox was a labour MP fighting for an open minded country, which should have led to unity and not further division. And Brexit happened despite more than 1200 business leaders and companies such as Richard Branson, Jo Malone, Barclays, Standard Life, and many more backing the remain campaign. Oh, and don’t forget David Beckham, Daniel Craig and J.K. Rowling!
The morning after the referendum I woke up to Nigel Farage’s smiling face which was the beginning of the 5 stages of grief that I am currently going through.
At this point I would like to stress that this piece reflects my personal opinion and how I see the outcome as a German immigrant living in London. I really respect the UK’s decision as it was a democratic vote and I know that most leave voters are disgusted by the racist behaviour some campaigners showed and continue to display after the vote, however, I still think that leaving the EU is a fatal mistake!
Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross introduced the “5 stages of Loss and Grief” in 1969. Here, I apply them to my current life:
Stage 1: Denial and Isolation
I told my employer that I would work from home on the day the results were announced as I did not want to speak to anyone regarding Brexit. I simply did not want to be confronted by anyone who might have voted leave because as an immigrant I just felt as the UK had voted against me and the acceptance of Europeans in the country. The whole day I was following the BBC coverage and it seemed that even the leave voters never thought Brexit was actually going to happen. On that day people gave different reasons to why they were against being a part of the EU, among them “getting rid of a foreign dictatorship”, “taking back the country”, “taking back control”, “stopping immigration” or simply “to vote against the establishment”. I do not think many people realised on that day that the UK was actually leaving the EU and that there was no returning back from it. For me, it certainly only sunk in a day later.
Stage 2: Anger
Yes, the next day – I was angry and frustrated. I felt that the country, which I had begun to call my home, decided to ditch the values of solidarity, unity and integrity and trade them for arrogance and isolation. I was angry on a very personal level because I have no idea how my life will change in the coming years, if I need a visa to stay, if I am able to claim my pension in case I leave the UK, if my boyfriend, who is English, is able to get a job in Germany in case we decide to move there or if I am still eligible for things such as a “Help to Buy” scheme. I have been living in Scotland and England for two years now and have always felt welcome. This has definitely changed after Friday’s result despite knowing that everyone in my direct environment embraces an open-minded, multicultural society. My dad asked me why I would not feel welcome anymore, seeing the leave campaigners had always been referring to eastern Europeans when speaking about immigration? But should I only feel more welcome than a Polish person because I am seen as a ‘more useful foreigner’!? Also just a quick side note regarding arrogance: Some people in the UK seem to think that it is the one country that EVERY single person in the world wants to live in. Let me say this: Yes, I enjoy living here, I love London, the country side, my friends, my boyfriend and his family BUT it is always raining and cold, salaries are low and living costs are high! And no, this is not because of immigrants. There are a lot more immigrants and refugees in Germany, still I would pay less rent and earn more money (not to forget the sunshine and 30 degrees!).
Brexit also made me angry because so far the UK only profited from me living here. I went to school and university in Germany and did a postgraduate degree in Scotland where I had to pay university fees. After my Master’s programme, I directly started a job in London, so I have been paying taxes and national insurance whilst the UK never had to invest into my education!
However, Brexit is of course not only affecting European immigrants. By building a wall and “protecting the borders”, the UK will not only keep people from coming in but it will also stop people from getting out. The right of free movement opens up so many opportunities such as being able to study and work abroad. I took advantage of these opportunities, made great experiences and friends and decided to stay in the country I fell in love with. On the other side, my boyfriend had the chance to move to Germany for a few months to learn German and do an internship while receiving free health care and social security. Those were opportunities that the next generation won’t have so easily! So by “taking back control”, the UK decided to give away a part of its own freedom.
Finally, I am very angry that this vote gave racists enough confidence to openly voice their ignorant perspectives and make racism so socially acceptable. People do not seem to be ashamed anymore of blaming immigrants on TV for every sort of problem, and proudly state that Brexit will “make Britain great again” and “Britain more British”. I won’t even go into detail of why I find those statements utterly disturbing but I have to say that they remind me too much of things we learned in German history classes…
Stage 3: Bargaining
So this is the stage where I currently find myself. I am still angry but also thinking about what if we had done things differently?
If only the remain campaigners had focussed on the positive aspects of the EU rather than the drawbacks of leaving…
If only the remain campaigners had also addressed a moral responsibility and not only focussed on the economy…
If only people had organised marches and gatherings against Brexit BEFORE the referendum…
If only we had tried to convince leave voters BEFORE the referendum why the EU is not perfect but makes us stronger in so many ways…
I am not sure if this would have changed anything but it certainly would have been worth a try. The next stages of ‘The 5 stages of Loss and Grief’ would be “Depression” and “Acceptance”, and I might get there when negotiations with the EU actually start but for now I am just hoping that other European countries can learn from the mistake Britain has made and realise that in times like these we need to get closer together and not further apart!
Photo Credit: Youtube
